Radiation

written on Thu, 07/19/2012 - 17:23

When you do something awesome, and by that I mean something REALLY awesome, it makes you feel full, complete, connected. And when you do it with REALLY, REALLY awesome people, it makes you feel like you belong and have a much greater purpose. 

And then you go home. And you feel like it's just you, good old regular you, in just good old regular life. And you don't feel full, or complete, or connected. You may even feel empty, incomplete, and utterly disconnected! I am feeling that today. Add to that the fact that for 10 days, I was surrounded by like minded people who also want to change the world and you have a great recipe for loneliness. I am feeling lonely today.

Out of all of my friends and my family, no one wanted the 30 second story, never mind the 10 or 30 minutes. And I am feeling lost, homesick for Arroyo Seco, and utterly alone. I look at every single picture that was posted on Facebook, answer all the posts and send messages to my Hero Holiday friends.

And all those mantras that I repeat to myself, all that positivity and passion, all that love and compassion, that drive, those things that define me, they just don't feel like they have the same meaning at all anymore.

But you know what, maybe I can't find their meaning because their meaning has CHANGED. Those ideals I had before I left, they are still there, they are still so very strong, but I simply need to figure out what their new meaning is in light of this Live Different Hero Holiday experience. I need to dig deep and find it in me to take action from here and today. Because making a difference doesn't happen in a vacuum.

Live Different has facilitated my encounter with a wonderful community where my whole team was able to make a difference. And coming home to a wonderful country like Canada only accentuates and highlights the great social inequalities that exist in our world. 

My message to you my Hero Holiday friends is to be kind. Be kind first to yourself. Do what makes you feel better. Be sad. Feel the feelings that you need to feel and then... then just let them go. That should leave room for action and kindness, for moving forward and for being an agent of change wherever it is that you stand in this world. Be kind to others everyday, that should bring you happiness. Every act of kindness, however random or small, changes the world for the better.

I will see you again my friends. We will be somewhere some day, making a difference and it will be like 'Hey, remember that epic cement making day? That changed my life...'

Anonymous

Comments

Krista Robb's picture
Krista Robb
Thank you for posting this. This is spot on to how I felt when I came home. I felt literally stuck! All of this passion and power that pumped through my veins as I lifted every brick, shed every tear... now, here I was, back in my comfortable ways. feeling like I wasnt doing a damned worthy thing! Stuck. Then I realized, all forward motion counts. So your right, the first step is to be good to yourself. Be kind and nurture your emotions, this is HARD stuff to go through in 10 days. I'm 3 months later and i'll tell you, those 10 days still matter just as much. I met a man named Will in Dominican Republic at the "dump day" excursion. This day which contridicted everything i knew and spun every fibre of my being. Fearful and doubtful and in all honest words, sick to my stomach, I didn't want to be there. Will helped me more than I could have asked from him, wasn't I supposed to be helping him on his day of work, his day to earn a living? He stood beside me and told me what to look for. I was slowing him down, and I could see that this was not what he wanted, but with patience he guided me, with eye contact and hand gestures. Even with his help, I couldn't keep up, every squish in the muddy filth made my stomach turn. Bare hands in flip flops he climed the piles of raw rotten garbage dusted in maggots and flies. I took a bottle from another persons collection accidently, and was met with a screaming confrontation where all my colletions were taken from my hands. Will laughed at first, and then I'm prett y sure thats when he knew I needed him more than he needed me. He stepped in and defused the situation. As I followed and helped in the rest of the afternoon, I became increasingly loyal. So loyal that I would do anything in my power to get him more bottles. The smells, the sights, the filth all changed in a moment, it was irrelevant. I knew i'd go home to my nice hotel, shower and i'd be over. The call to the truck came and I looked regretfully over my shoulder at will as I walked away. I ran back and handed him whatever tools I brought, my gloves, my hat, my sunglasses, my shirt, I gave him a hug. I said Thank you. I meant it. When I came home, I realized that he was my motivation. Will wakes up everyday knowing what his life will be. He marches 9 miles rain or shine, to the same dump, where he'll earn two dollars a day. I wake up with possibilties, he wakes up to inevitabilities. The day I got back from dominican, I began to run. It was a way for me to feel this forward motion, this power in my legs, that was not directed by any selfish intention, it was powered by the battery that was this swelling, hurting, loving heart. I ran a 10K race, running it for those who could not run. I hold yoga poses loger for those who cannot. I work harder for those who cannot. I give more, I smile more, for those who cannot. We are not stuck because we aren't helping, we are open hearts in a closed off world, where the open hearts out there who can understand are so very far and few in between... Find a way to keep your heart open, and live different.